Tag: health

Finding My Words Again

It’s been over five years since I last wrote a blog — almost six, if we’re counting.
For a long time, I didn’t have the words. Or maybe I had them, but they were buried somewhere under the fog.

Now, it feels good — strange, but good — to feel that creative spark again. Like coming home to a part of myself I’d forgotten.

Where have I been?
Fighting the Menopause Monster.
It’s brutal. It strips you of who you are, drains your energy, steals your sleep, and leaves your joints aching and your confidence shattered. I didn’t recognise myself for a while there. But slowly, I’m finding my way back.

This is a short reflection I recently wrote for World Menopause Day, the beginning of a bigger story. My Story.

When I look back on the last decade, I now realise how deep into the depths of menopause I had been propelled.

The brain fog, the anxiety, the aching body, the slow fade of self —
it crept in like fog at dawn.
Subtle at first, then suddenly everywhere.
Every decision felt impossible.
Every task, like dragging a boulder.

I thought I was just lazy.
But with the clarity of hindsight — it was menopause.
My body swirling in a quagmire of symptoms I didn’t even have a name for.

It shook me so deeply, I left a career I loved after 25 years.
It just “wasn’t me anymore.”
The truth? I wasn’t me anymore.

Doctors told me I was too young.
That it was depression.
That I needed to lose weight.

They didn’t listen. They didn’t see me.

So I tried to start my own business — with zero confidence and max self-doubt.
I tried a few roles. Landed one.
It’s satisfying, but learning new things has felt like climbing uphill in the dark.
All the while, menopause burned like wildfire beneath the surface —
unpredictable and consuming,
scorching the woman I used to be.

In desperation, I turned to the internet.

Then — everything changed.

✨ I found a podcast: The Imperfects with Dr. Louise Newson.
She described me. I felt seen. I felt less alone.
✨ Then I found Wellfemme.
A menopause GP finally treated me with oestrogen gel.

And within a week?
🎵 I sang in the car — LOUD.

It had been years since I’d heard my own voice like that.

Now?
I’m laughing again.
Dancing in the rain.
Hitting health goals.
Living with confidence that was gone for far too long.

If you meet me now — you are meeting the real me.

Not the menopause monster that haunted my body for almost a decade.
I’m so grateful for those raising their voices, for those who supported me, and for those who forgave the version of me that was simply trying to survive.

❤️‍🔥 You are not alone.

WASH

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She stands at the sink overlooking the rice fields as the panicle, packed with grain sweep in a cooler morning breeze. The sun starts to colour the sky.

It had been a long night for her.

Her youngest had twisted in pain, his arms wrapped across his stomach, his eyes as big as saucers brimming with tears begged her to make it stop. Yet another night of little sleep for the family as his cries perforated the night in between short moments of fitful sleep.

The number of sleepless nights were becoming too many. Her family could not survive much longer. Her husband could not continue to work long hours in the field with little sleep.

She spied the pamphlet on the floor. It was stained with mud that had been carried into the house on little feet as they had darted outside in the rain to go to the toilet. She hoped they went a distance from the house, but she could hardly reprimand given the amount of rain that fell last night. She will check that later.

For now, she just needed to recharge.

And think.

As her tea brews she can hear the thump of coconuts falling outside. Husband is picking a few for her to take into the market. She wipes the pamphlet and slowly turns it over in her hands, looking with envy at the picture of a woman standing outside a freshly finished brick building. She recalls what the man from SAMIC told them.

“We can offer you a loan to build an outside toilet and install a water filter to give you clean water as well. It would cost you about $30-50 US dollars a month to repay. It will be a declining loan. The money is offered under the WASH program, to help provide water and sanitation. You could be the first in your village.”

Could they earn enough from the sale of the coconuts and rice to repay this and keep the family? She could take the buggy and find rubbish to sell if they needed more money. Her eldest was nearly old enough to help too.

Her breath stops suddenly as she contemplates her children getting sicker. Too many in the district had died already from stomach complaints. They say it’s the bad water and no toilets that is doing it. They had no money for hospitals, yet it seemed only a matter of time before one of her brood fell too sick to recover.

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There is yelling from below as the chickens scatter. The cow is off its chain again. She puts her dreaming aside and heads downstairs to save the animals from her husband. The lack of sleep is showing itself already. Its going to be a long day. Not the day to try to talk about a new toilet.

 

6 weeks later:

It is so shiny! The water so clean you can see the bottom of the tub. There was even enough money to install a path so there will be no mud being tramped across the rugs inside.

She is now running late to market as the neighbours called in to view this new building, quiz  husband on the cost. Some even wanted to give it try, it has created quite an interest. The people from SAMIC have become quite busy now.

Her smile is one of relief. Her children are better, she sleeps at night. They all have renewed energy to face each day.

A small building can make a big difference to a family in Cambodia.DSC04329

She climbs on the bike beside her husband. Today she is making her first repayment at the SAMIC office. As her children run ahead on the path, with energy levels tripled she knows she has made the right decision.

Maybe she will ask her husband if she can learn to read soon. A better world awaits her and the children, with a little help. She nods at the Spirits as the bike weaves to market, her smile beaming in the midday sun.DSC04353

 

**Inspired by experiences while travelling in Cambodia with Good Return and Xplore.  If you wish to know more, especially the WASH program also see SAMIC.

All photos are my own